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Submitted on
February 28, 2006
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A horse snorting wildly at the slightest slither;
we are natural enemies, ankle-biting snake against
fetishized freedom, all hair.  You pepper-eating poets
seduce me every time.  Against my character, might

I add: My nostrils are as dilated
as they've ever been, to detect the slightest hint
of movement from you, a stirring and then
the anatomy of the thing will emerge.

Laundry List: Please buy
Tide, the catalogue of the human soul,
self-cutting.  You might crumple up the writing
and swallow it like a spy,

but burning toast is no career, my friend.  Perhaps
that bitch poetry is a necrophiliac, never letting dead
archetypes sleep.  Yes, I know that Helen has launched
ships from: Vietnam, world wars, the Midwest,

which is landlocked.  But you cannot kill the
fat-fingered fairies, the delicate forms.  Rapunzel,
Rapunzel, let down your standards!  I will give you
a dose of your own medicine, and like a cancer

the poem will grow and swell, and the entrance fee is:
matted dog fur, stillborn niggers, pickled torsos in the bath.
But let us discuss the many ways in which humans
hurt.  Cuts, burns, scorned loves, shocks to systems heavy with

pathogens.  Your mother.  That vase.  I am in your
thrall, pepper-eaters, with all trimming and none of the -
what do I care?  Unrealized possibilities are the most
seductive thing there is, and it's interesting

when people scream and strip and die.  Particularly
in one so young, and all the high ideals in the Dakotas
don't stop burnt toast - like unrequited love, the intention
is to feed: and it is small, silver, hard, but it chars.  The stink

on your hands and in your hair.  Windows opened,
curtains flung, wars won.  A blackening of purpose
and then an absence of sound:
and in the morning, it's still there.
pompous
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:iconshazbar:
Shazbar Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2007  Student Writer
I confess, I only found you through the DD on your first poem.

But I'm still new to poetry, and didn't quite understand it...so I went snooping around your gallery to try and learn some things. I still didn't understand a lot of it, so I picked this and decided to comment here instead of on the DD just to be non-conformist (nuisance?), maybe to get your attention too.

See, you pepper-eating poets seduce me every time, even if I have no idea why.

What does it all mean; is it all just fanciful imagery and sounds? I feel like I could never do this, like I'm completely cut off from the abstract realm where making art is as easy as exhaling. :(
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:iconamberlouie:
Amberlouie Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2007  Professional Writer
is inlove.
Reply
:iconvesiculae:
Vesiculae Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2006
I'm going to need you soon.
Reply
:iconcataplasia:
cataplasia Featured By Owner May 24, 2006
The point of poetry... well the good poetry is to either convey some sort of idea clear enough that it is established clearly and poignantly or it is to push a reader out of the thoughts of their everyday life and make them believe in the poem and poet that they are digesting.

The later happened to me, but only through the second. Which is to say this was a exceptionally great poem that made me think about life differently, gave me something important to muster over in my thoughts while absolutely nothing exciting was happening at all.

wonderful piece.
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:iconmelting-mochi:
melting-mochi Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2006   Photographer
why so much criticism of this sort? (replace this with this, etc. etc.) i can no longer bear it...
i can certainly understand it, though. but :sneeze:
i love you, clairity. be clear and mirrorlike. i clearly am solid sometimes...

do you have a phone number?
Reply
:iconslingshot40:
slingshot40 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2006   Writer
Very good except for one smallish thing. The "might" at the end of the first stanza seems really wiered and out of place. Other than that I like. Bravo.
Reply
:iconfluid-motion:
Fluid-Motion Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006
I enjoyed reading this, entertaining and a funky read.

unconstructive comment!
Reply
:iconadahplatha:
adahplatha Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006
Your quote wins in every way, I want to make Zooey my bride.
Thank you very much for your kind words!
Reply
:icondiamondie:
diamondie Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006  Professional Writer
There's something that doesn't hit me the right way in the second stanza, but I can't seem to identify it. I really like the second and third last lines, but the last line sounds like it could be reworded. The word "love" makes two appearances and it might be too much. Overall this is very solid and I probably wouldn't touch anything else, not even those things that ~justb pointed out. The style is great and I don't see it as pompous.
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:iconadahplatha:
adahplatha Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006
What do you think of replacing "scorned loves" with "scorned lovers"? I didn't even notice that the word love had reared its ugly head here. Thank you especially for saying you don't see it as pompous, I've been struggling with authorial voice while writing poetry about poetry and sometimes it just gets arrogant and incestuous and terrible.
thank you! :rose:
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